There is nothing that can destroy a person’s trust in a relationship like infidelity. Some argue that people cheat because of unmet needs from their significant other, while other people do it casually without considering its impact on their partner. But what exactly is cheating? Is texting already considered an act of cheating by today’s relationship standards?
The truth is that cheating is subjective. Texting another woman and calling that cheating is not a fair accusation to make. Suppose you text a women co-worker for a work-related matter or greet a women friend on her birthday; you can’t say that’s cheating, is it? But when you flirt, exchange inappropriate messages, or be romantic with a woman who is not your significant other, that’s another story.
We’re here to talk about cheating, why cheating happens, the impact that it does to a person—as well as talk about what kind of texting is innocent or if it has now unfortunately transitioned into cheating.
Best relationship advice
Relationships are built on mutual trust and understanding. They are about never letting someone down and expecting they’ll do the same for you. In an ideal world, this is the thought process going into a new relationship. Trust is the foundation of a relationship requires into the future.
However, we must remember that people are infallible and prone to make mistakes, some more than others. Whether it was a “one-time thing” or something that’s been going on for a long time, cheating is always possible in relationships. It is always looming on the horizon, and it is up to you and your partner to fight these urges, so your relationship retains its foundation.
Some national surveys by the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy indicate that as high as 15% of females and 25% of males have experienced intercourse outside of their long-term relationship. If you include infidelity emotionally and without sex, these numbers increase to 20%.
What is Micro-cheating
While micro-cheating may not be initially viewed as outright infidelity. However, there are many negative effects, it involves behaviors that could damage relationships or make it possible for more substantial unfaithfulness. These activities could be seemingly insignificant and simple to brush off as unimportant. However, that’s exactly what they are: pleasant or flirty behaviors that may have crossed and disrespected boundaries.
Micro-cheating is subtle, and someone may not notice that they’re micro-cheating as it could be very subjective and incredibly nuanced. For example, texting a co-worker does not automatically mean cheating. However, when the exchange becomes slightly flirty, you could already be participating in a form of micro-cheating. Actively communicating with an ex can also be considered as such.
Minor behaviors like this can potentially lead to something worse and eventually make someone cheat. On its own, it could be insubstantial and could relatively be innocent. However, it may take on a new form when it becomes an ongoing thing and thoughts of “what if?” starts to linger and cloud someone’s judgment as desires grow stronger and intentions shift.
When Does Texting Another Woman Become Cheating
While having a physical relationship other than your partner is definitely cheating, being emotionally involved with someone is another story and can be tricky to attribute to infidelity; boundaries can be challenging to establish, whether texting or just talking with someone.
If you feel that you’re confiding more with your “text mate” than your partner or think they understand you better, you may get emotionally attached. While this could be subjective, it’s one of the first stages of emotional unfaithfulness.
Relationships are built on trust. We can’t just look through our significant other’s phones in hopes that we’ll find something suspicious. Doing this can entail a lack of confidence in your partner and even breach their right to privacy. That’s why it’s tough to know if your husband or boyfriend is cheating.
How Texting Another Woman Affects Your Relationship
Depending on the degree of texting and the person, it can affect many women differently. People are diverse and each individual reacts to these types of situations in their own way. Some people might be indifferent while others could lash out in full-blown anger.
However, it is essential that no matter what our partner’s reaction is, we should be aware of our actions and we should act accordingly by communicating our real intentions to reassure our partner. If however, you’re aware that you’re cheating, confess, as your partner deserves the truth.
If you feel you’re doing something wrong or notice you’re getting emotionally attached to someone, maybe it’s better to step back and reassess your actions if you value your relationship.
Factors that Play a Role in Acts of Infidelity
In relationships, different factors may come into play and make a person more inclined towards cheating. Some reasons could be a long ongoing struggle by someone such as history of cheating or unmet needs, or it could just be from the heat of a moment. Nevertheless, these problems can be avoidable, especially if a couple works together to solve them.
Attitude towards infidelity
All people have different personalities that make up who they are. Unfortunately, the tendency towards infidelity is one of them. A 2017 study cited that men and women with a history of infidelity in a prior relationship were more likely to cheat, be it online or face to face. However, people change, so we must be a good judge of character before engaging with someone who has had commitment issues in the past.
Newly formed relationships may also fall victim to this kind of problem. Some individuals might not be aware that their relationship was exclusive, which accounts for low level commitment towards the relationship. Defining the relationship before it continues may be a viable solution to prevent cheating in new relationships.
Moreover, humans have several attachment styles secure, ambivalent, avoidant-dismissive, and disorganized. These attachment styles play a big role in relationships and can also be a reason for someone to cheat.
- Secure - People with secure attachment often feel comfortable, stable, and more fulfilled in their personal relationships. They are empathic and capable of setting reasonable boundaries. They are not afraid of being alone, and often flourish in deep, meaningful partnerships.
- Ambivalent - An ambivalent attachment stlye is characterized by an excessive neediness. People with this attachment type are frequently uneasy and insecure, and low in self-esteem. They crave emotional intimacy yet are concerned that others won't want to be around them.
- Avoidant-Dismissive - This attachment style pertains to people who are so frightened of relationships that they strive to avoid emotional connection with people rather than wanting intimacy. They would prefer not to depend on or have others depend on them.
- Disorganized - An attachment style that’s rooted from extreme fear, frequently as a result of trauma, neglect, or abuse experienced as a kid. Adults who exhibit this type of insecure attachment frequently believe they are unworthy of love or intimacy in a relationship.
If someone isn’t secure in themselves and in the relationship, they might exhibit one of these three attachment styles. Also known as insecure attachment styles, these negative types can be an issue in relationships, even in terms of cheating.
Having an insecure attachment style, specifically anxious attachment, can also contribute to wild accusations of cheating, which may foster distrust within the relationship, especially if a partner’s claim is untrue. Constant false and unsubstantiated accusations can be detrimental to a relationship, even if infidelity didn’t occur in the first place.
Accusations of infidelity from otherwise innocent interactions with other people may be attributed to a person with anxious attachment paired with a secure partner—wherein the former may have different sensitivities to what they consider infidelity. So, they might call a partner out for something they think suggests cheating when no form of infidelity even occurred.
In a 2017 study on attitudes, attachment styles, gender, and implications on perceptions of infidelity suggested that “Those with anxious attachment, fearing abandonment, rejection, or relationship failure, might have a heightened sensitivity to behaviors that suggest unfaithfulness in their partner. This may manifest as accusations of cheating, jealousy, or controlling behavior.”
Fear of being single due to attachment anxiety
Arguably the most counterintuitive aspect in this list, this means that some people that have attachment anxiety fear being alone, so they find other partners in hopes that they’ll provide as a “back-up” if their current relationship doesn’t work out.
In 2021, this was indeed the case, as a study has shown that “people high on attachment anxiety are more likely to be involved in extradyadic relationships due to their high fear of being single”
Anxiety might stem from several reasons, and neglect can be one of the reasons why a person becomes fearful and eventually cheat. People who feel neglected or constantly dismissed may think their relationship is failing and may try to find the affection they desire from others. Make sure that we always reassure our partners, so they feel secure in a relationship. Therapy can also be a viable option if the problem persists.
Relationship problems
People, in general, have particular needs to feel fulfilled in their relationships. Such examples may be the need to feel respected, to be trusted, or just feel loved. As partners, we must consider these basic needs if we value our relationships, and failure to provide these needs can make our partners feel disappointed or frustrated.
There are two ways in which a partner can be dissatisfied in a current relationship, and that is Marital and Sexual.
- Marital
In relationships, it is natural that romantic aspects slowly fade–many external factors like work, school, and other priorities may prevent us from providing the affection our partner desires. We can always keep the fire in relationships burning with little ways to keep them alive; even simple words of encouragement and reassurance can go a long way for your partner.
Another problem with how we fail to provide these needs is a lack of awareness and understanding of how our significant other thinks and feels. People are very different and may value one aspect of a relationship more than the other and fail to prioritize what’s important to them, mainly due to a couple's incompatibility.
In a 2019 study about infidelity and its associated factors, it was shown that “incompatibility of interpersonal characteristics is more likely associated with infidelity than incompatibility of intrapersonal characteristics. It is important to consider couple compatibility before starting an exclusive relationship, such as marriage, for individuals who intend to maintain a long-term exclusive romantic relationship.
- Sexual
In relationships, sex is a significant factor in healthy relationships. If a person is sexually unsatisfied in the relationship, they might be more inclined to be unfaithful to their partners as they might seek satisfaction from others.
Some people might feel that their sexual needs aren’t met and may feel like sex lacks excitement. Communication is always essential in relationships inside and outside the bedroom, so if your needs aren’t met, it is much better to voice them out so you and your partner can fix the problem together.
Sexual dissatisfaction can also stem from a person's perception of their partners. Over time, when the passion fades, some people might notice that their partner's attractiveness has declined, so they may feel the need to seek more attractive options.
Different socioeconomic status
Infidelity can also arise when it comes to a couple’s glaring difference in wealth. In a 2015 study on the correlation of money and infidelity, people with different socioeconomic backgrounds may be prone to cheating regardless if they are the breadwinner or the financially dependent partner in the relationship.
A financially independent man or a male breadwinner may feel like their female spouse or partner does not help carry the load in the relationship's financial matters. Thus, they feel more inclined to commit infidelity due to frustration that their partner is not pulling their weight.
However, in the same study, women are less inclined to do so, as they feel that by being faithful, they neutralize their gender deviance and keep potentially strained relationships intact.
Religious affiliation/Belief system/Culture
Religion and personal beliefs have always played an integral role in a person’s personality and way of thinking. For zealous people, if their religion has stipulations that discourage infidelity and adultery, they may be less prone to cheating as it is a means of respect for their belief.
In a 2007 study about the correlation of being religious and infidelity, it is cited that “Both church attendance and biblical beliefs are associated with lower odds of self-reported infidelity.” The study shows how religion can affect a person’s disposition towards marriage and commitment.
However, differences in belief systems can also be a reason why polygamy can also occur. In many countries, marriages are governed by religious or customary law, meaning polygamy is generally accepted and is in the hands of clerics or community leaders. For example, 11% of people in Sub-Saharan Africa still practice arrangements, as stated in the same study.
That is why the religious and cultural background could be good indicators of a partner’s tendency toward faithfulness before engaging in relationships.
Situational Instances
Situational factors may also cause some forms of cheating. One of which is being intoxicated, since intoxication clouds judgment and can lead to regrettable decisions, especially when it comes to cheating.
Intoxication is still not a solid excuse for why people cheat because these situations are avoidable. If you feel you have the propensity to be unfaithful if you’re intoxicated, it’s best to avoid these situations in the first place entirely.
Ego/Self-Esteem
Having multiple partners may be a source of pride to other people as it can indicate their attractiveness; some people might associate their ego and worth with how many people they have sexual encounters with, which may stem from insecurity.
Your perception of yourself must be kind and accepting; in other words, before we love, we must love ourselves first. If we fail to do this, insecurities may arise, and it manifests into undesirable behaviors like cheating as a means to prove to ourselves that we are loved.
Remember that you’ve already established your worth with a partner who appreciates you on a deeper level, which is much more meaningful.
Role of social media in possible infidelity behavior
We have access to information on the internet at our fingertips available at any time of the day. Couples can readily utilize available details on how to build and enrich relationships. However, as much as there are advantages to using the internet to improve one’s relationships, there are also downsides.
As a matter of fact, In a 2014 study about the implications of internet infidelity, concluded that the internet is an effective tool for enhancing existing relationships and encouraging illicit behaviors towards people who are already in a relationship.
Compared to the traditional definition of infidelity, the online definition has somehow evolved into a broader spectrum, as concluded from an online survey that examined how people whose partners have engaged in online affairs define online infidelity. The respondents expressed that even the mere sharing of sexual fantasies and engaging in what seems to be harmless intimate conversations with a stranger can already be perceived as acts of infidelity.
Engaging in emotional intimacy towards another person online is seen to have the same effect as the emotional connection that is built offline. In that sense, whether its online or offline, if one partner is getting emotionally attached with another person it is still considered cheating. Since the line of infidelity is murkier on the internet, couples must be able to discuss their boundaries regarding what they would consider as cheating online.
Impact of Infidelity
When it comes to cheating, everyone is affected negatively, especially the person being cheated on. The flood of pain and mistrust may go on for years in a person and it can continue to affect their lives even after they have been free from the unfaithful partner. They may develop trust and commitment issues to otherwise decent partners who have no intention of cheating on them.
In marriage, it is much harder, as some people may not have the luxury and the means of paying for the various processes to initiate a divorce. They may continually feel that they can’t trust the person they’re married to, which fosters more resentment and a slower, if not impossible, healing process.
If, unfortunately, you have been the victim of infidelity, always remember that it’s not your fault. No matter what your partner says, it is never your fault. Every problem or every need they have that you felt you didn’t deliver could have been communicated and discussed to find solutions. Cheating is never the answer to issues in a relationship; it is a toxic and destructive.
It is up to the both of you if you still want to salvage your relationship or break it off. If you decide to continue, you must be prepared for the hard work ahead. Both of you must find ways to cope, and couple’s counseling or therapy could be viable options to save your relationship and reignite the happiness that both of you once shared.
What are the good relationship tips
1. Talk openly and honestly with your love about your needs and wants in the relationship. Great way to make the relationship stronger. If you're in it for the long haul make a point that you enjoy spending quality time.
2. Make time for each other – set aside regular dates, even if it's just for a cup of coffee or a walk around the neighborhood. true love always needs up in deep conversation! Many couples realize the importance of the time spend over the years.
3. Be supportive of each other, both in good times and bad, this is how you make a relationship work. Offer words of encouragement during tough times, and don't hesitate to offer a listening ear.
4. Don't take your partner for granted – always show them that you appreciate them! Thank them for little things they do. Example, making coffee or spending their free time with you, or send them a sweet text to let them know you're thinking of them.
5. Laugh together! Find some common ground
What makes a man happy in a romantic relationships
At the risk of sounding like a sage advice columnist, there are really only two things that make a man happy in a relationship: trust and communication. Other important ingredients include mutual respect, physical attraction, shared interests, and good old-fashioned chemistry. But without trust and communication, everything else will eventually fall by the wayside.
What makes a women happy in a relationship
Most women are happiest in a relationship when they feel loved, supported, and respected by their partner. feeling secure in the relationship is also important to many women, as well as feeling like they can be themselves around their partner without judgement. Lastly, having some fun and laughter together is often cited as one of the key ingredients to a happy relationship for women.
That’s not to say that trust and communication are always easy. In any relationship, there will be times when you don’t feel entirely secure orwhen you feel like you’re not being heard. But if you can work through those rough patches together, it will only make your relationship stronger in the long run.
Conclusion
Cheating isn’t as straightforward as it used to be. With all the nuances and gray areas involved with the possibilities given to us by the digital age we live in, one can easily mistake infidelity with pure innocence and vice-versa. We all have different opinions of what constitutes infidelity, so we must communicate them to our partners.
Always remember that the intention behind is what matters to establish a more explicit context. A good rule of thumb is “if you can’t do it to your partner’s face, then don’t do it in the first place.”
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What counts as cheating in a relationship
There isn't a single answer to this question since what counts as cheating can vary from relationship to relationship. However, there are some general things that could be considered cheating, such as being physically unfaithful to your partner or engaging in emotional affairs.
Of course, it's ultimately up to you and your partner to decide what constitutes cheating in your relationship. But if you're wondering whether something might be considered cheating, it's always best to err on the side of caution and just discuss it with your partner first. That way, you can avoid any hurt feelings or misunderstandings down the road.
Is sending flirty texts cheating
There's no definitive answer, but according to most people, it probably depends on the situation. If your partner would be upset if they found out you were sending flirty texts to other people, then it's probably cheating. But if your partner doesn't care and you're just having harmless fun with friends, then it's probably not cheating.
At the end of the day, only you can decide what counts as cheating in your own relationship. If you're not comfortable with sending flirty messages to other people, then don't do it. But if your partner doesn't mind and you're just having some harmless fun, then go for it!
Is texting another woman considered cheating in relationship status
There's no easy answer to this question, as it largely depends on the situation and the relationship status of the people involved. If you're in a committed relationship and you're texting another woman with sexual intent, then yes, that would be considered cheating. However, if you're simply texting a female friend and there's no romantic or sexual involvement, then it's probably not considered cheating. It all comes down to context and intentions.
What do you do when your husband is texting another woman
Well, first of all, you take a deep breath, relax keep focus. Then you calmly ask him what's going on and what the text message says. If he's honest with you and tells you that he's just been chatting with a friend, then you can probably let it go. However, if he's being less than truthful or is blatantly trying to hide something from you, then that's a whole other story.
How can I see deleted texts on my husband's phone
There are a few ways to see deleted texts on your husband's phone. One way is to use a spy app. There are a number of these apps available, and they will allow you to see all the text messages that have been sent and received on your husband's phone--even the ones that have been deleted.
Another way to see deleted texts is by taking your husband's phone and downloading all the text messages onto your computer. This can be done by using a program like iTunes or by using an app like SMS Backup & Restore. Once you have the text messages on your computer, you can then search through them for any that appear to be deleted.
Can my spouse get copies of my text messages
Short answer is yes, if you have an account on a shared platform like iCloud, your spouse can get access to your messages and other data. But if you use a separate messaging app like WhatsApp or Signal, your spouse would need to hack into your phone in order to get access to your messages.